


Count Down

by shipskicksandgiggles



Series: Roaring 20's [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Heavy Angst, I have no concept of where stark tower is bear with me, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, New Year's Eve, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, This One Is Dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 02:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22048102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipskicksandgiggles/pseuds/shipskicksandgiggles
Summary: New Year's Eve in New York is full of parties and noise. It's easy for Harley to get lost in it all, and even easier to reflect back on who he has become in the past year. Will anyone here his cries amidst the chaos.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker
Series: Roaring 20's [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587010
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry. this is the dark NYE fic. I warned yall, I really did

You can’t actually see the New Years Ball Drop from Stark Tower. You have to jump a few roof tops over in order to see the event go down clearly. 

Most people chose to stay back in the Tower and watch the count down on one of the TV’s set up at the party. Champagne flowed freely there, and disco balls flashed in the subtle lighting. The rose gold undertones of the soft lights were classier than the flashing lights so many parties had, and the party was still just as strong, and even stronger, than other parties. 

Tony had offered to help Harley and Peter see the event live and in person, but they’d decided to stick to the party instead and avoid the cold outside. 

Harley began to regret the decision ever so slightly. He had lost Peter in the crowd of the room, and Times Square was only a couple of buildings away. 

The suffocating atmosphere of the room had sent him outside onto the roof of the tower, but his chest still felt heavy. He took a deep breath.

It hurt. 

Another crowd, an even more dense crowd, wouldn’t help. Still, he wanted to see. 

Thank god the buildings in New York were so close together. The hop was easy from one building to the next. He could hear the massive crowd get louder and louder the closer he got. Lights got brighter and flashier as the distance closed. 

The air smelled like smoke and alcohol and already failed New Year's Resolutions. 

Harley didn’t make a resolution last year, and yet his life had still gotten flipped upside down. He’s moved out of his mother’s house, Tony brought him to New York. 

Still, he didn’t really feel like anything had changed. His parents had impacted him irreparably. Getting out, coming to New York, he was supposed to get  _ better _ . Instead, he only felt worse. It took him so long to trust Peter, and he wasn’t a good son to Tony. He was grateful that the man adopted him, but he deserved a better kid with fewer issues. Peter deserved a better boyfriend who didn’t flinch at physical contact or hide when the noise got to be too much. 

They deserved better. 

In fact, they all had better. Peter has good friends and Spider-Man. Tony had other kids like Peter, Ned, MJ, and Shuri. No one would miss him. 

The crowd only got louder. They seemed to applaud his thoughts. 

The countdown had started. 

10

Quietly

9

More joined in

8 

People finally caught on

7

The decade is ending

6

A new one beginning

5

2020: The Year with a Vision

4

A year full of promise and hope 

3

Oh, so that’s why they call it the Roaring 20’s

2

It’s so loud

1

“Happy New Year.”

The ball dropped, and Harley fell. 

He’d always thought that your life flashing before your eyes before you died was a myth. If so, then why was one of Peter’s webs flying at him? And why could he hear the Iron Man suit, and Tony saying something about… physics? Huh. He closed his eyes one last time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thing physics and recovery have in common is how hard they are. Harley however, is a smart kid with some great teachers. Everything is gonna be fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY HOLY SHIT. 
> 
> it took me a solid three months to even kind of be in the right headspace to write this I am so sorry you guys. I did however figure out some shit about recovering and being healthier and I'm working on it. a prolonged break is gonna be fucking awesome for writing tho

Harley woke up in medical, or so it seemed. It smelled too clean. Christ, if this was heaven, he had a bone to pick with God. On second thought, maybe this was Hell. 

He tried to shift, but he couldn’t really move. “Tony?”

“Kid! You’re awake!”

“Am I dead?”

“No, thank goodness. We almost lost you-“

“ _ Why am I not dead? _ ”

“Harley-“

“No, I fell. I remember falling-“

“And I caught you. Peter tried to, but the way he tried would have snapped your spine.”

“Catching me with a web before I was stable,” he said as the realization hit him. 

“Exactly. I was basically giving him physics lessons on the fly after that.”

_ So that explains hearing things about physics _ . “How did you find me?”

“Peter kinda guessed you’d gone towards the square, so we circled until we saw you drop.” Tony’s head dropped to his chest. He looked exhausted. “Kid, I’m not mad at you. I need you to know that. I just want to know  _ why _ .”

Harley didn’t answer. “Damn it, Harley! Give me something! Was it something I was doing wrong? A trigger I didn’t know about? Fuck, did Peter hurt you? I don’t care that he’s Spider-Man, I’ll kill him if he-”

“Papà, stop.”

Tony froze. Harley continued. “You didn’t do anything. I couldn’t breathe, so I went outside and kept moving. My head is fucked up and I don’t think I can be fixed. I’m only gonna hurt you guys, and I don’t want to. It’s not like I’d be missed anyway. I’m replaceable. Peter has other friends. He’s so sweet and caring, so I have no doubt he’ll find someone new, someone who will be good to him. Even you can replace me. Fuck, I expected you to replace me with Peter while I was still here, so why not just get it over with.”

“No one, Harley,  _ no one _ could ever replace you. You wanna know how I know?”

Harley looked doubtful, but motioned for Tony to continue. “Peter hasn’t been himself these past few days. He doesn’t know how to function without you, and neither do your other friends. MJ keeps showing her feelings because she turns to talk to you and you’re not there. Ned has no one to bounce his jokes off of, and even Flash seems to be aimless. And as for me-” Tony sat down on the bed to lean next to Harley. “I know I can be easily distracted, but you’re my kid. And you wanna know how I know  _ that _ ?”

This was all so much, and Harley could feel the tears rolling down his face. Still, he managed to nod.

“You just called me papà. You called me dad in my mother’s native tongue. You’re my son, Harley, and I could never, ever replace you. Now please,  _ please _ , let me help you get better.”

“Let  _ us _ help you get better,” a new voice chimed in.

“ _ Peter _ .” His boyfriend looked like an angel in the doorway. Maybe he was in heaven after all, surrounded by the two people he loved most in the world.

“Hey Harles, I’m glad to see you awake. Mind if I-” He motioned towards the bed.

Harley patted the surface next to him, and Peter walked over and sat with him. The room went silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” burst Harley and Peter at the same time. 

“Why are you sorry?” Peter asked. “I’m the one who almost killed you!”

“And I’m the one who is- was- would have been okay with that!” Harley shot back. “I wouldn’t have cared! I  _ jumped  _ Peter. I would have willingly let you kill me in that moment.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m not sure. Here in this moment, I’m fine. I’m almost happy, but I might. I need help, Peter. I’m damaged beyond repair, and just gotta say, it’s not all its cracked up to be.” He let out a weak laugh, and his papà glared at him. “I shouldn’t joke about this, I know, I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll start with therapy,” said Tony, “and you also need to start talking to us. No one had any idea what you’re going through, and that can’t happen. I’m not gonna force it out of you, but it’d give me peace of mind to understand what your feelings are. I’m not a stranger to suicide, kid.”

“You-”

“Yep, and that’s why I know a top of the line therapist that you have an appointment with the second you get out of medical.”

Harley took a minute to process this information. “Okay. Thank you for being patient with me.”

“No, Harley. Never thank me for being a decent human being. I love you, Harles, and don't forget it. I’ll leave you and Peter to talk for a minute, okay?” 

He walked out the door, and silence settled back over the room. 

Harley waited for Peter to start yelling. It never came. Instead, Peter propped himself up higher, closer to his head, and pulled him to his chest. 

There are emotions that can’t be named, but they hurt like hell. Harley didn’t even register that was what he felt until the pressure was relieved. 

He didn’t even realize he was crying until Peter started stroking his hair and quietly said ‘Shhhhh, shhhhhh, baby you’re okay. You’re gonna be okay,’ and then he started sobbing. He had no shame in bawling like he never had before. Peter’s shirt was wet with tears, and he knew it wasn’t a pretty sight. The only reason he didn’t stop was Peter was telling him to let it out. Telling him that he would be okay. 

And he believed him. 

“Can you forgive me?” he asked when he trusted his voice again. 

“For what, angel?”

“For giving up.”

“I was never upset with you. Scared? Sure, who wouldn’t be, but never upset.”

Harley must have looked doubtful, because Peter shifted again so he could look him in the eye. “Harley James Keener-Stark, maybe even one day Parker, all I feel for you is love. No hate, no malice, only love. You may not love yourself now, but I’ll love you twice and much until you do, and I’ll love you the same amount when you do. Nothing could ever change that. I should be the one apologizing to you for not realizing you were getting overwhelmed, for not realizing what you were about to do. Just let me make it up to you now because I can, and you’re here, and you’re gonna make it. I can’t promise you that it won’t hurt, but don’t you dare apologize to me about it.”

He knew he was crying. Peter meant so much to him, and he meant nothing to himself. 

But he had support. Even on the days he hates himself, someone would be there for him. 

Harley sniffled and looked up at his boyfriend. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Now what’s this about ‘maybe Parker?’”

He felt Peter’s chest shake with laughter. “We’ll talk about it  _ after _ you recover dumbass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr at [with-this-pen-as-my-s-h-i-e-l-d](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/with-this-pen-as-my-s-h-i-e-l-d)

**Author's Note:**

> ahahaha... see the little question mark by the chapter number? please dont kill me
> 
> however if you want to yell at me, find me on tumblr at [with-this-pen-as-my-s-h-i-e-l-d](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/with-this-pen-as-my-s-h-i-e-l-d)


End file.
